How I feel...

 Sometimes I don't know how I feel and other time I am sad and depressed. I only feel depressed because of what I hear and I know I can ignore it but its hard and I know I have a loving boyfriend who is so sweet and a loving family that can be mean at times. But for some reason I feel depressed and I can't make it out. I have not felt this way in a long time until school stared and me and my boyfriend started talking less. That is not a reason because he is busy and I understand that and if I try to talk to my family....oh just help me, they make a joke about it and say get over it like it's that easy. Sometimes I think and I think about what would happen if I told my doctor I want depression pills to make me happy so I can stop feeling this way and so I can change my mood and be happy. But that's not true happiness and I would never want my parents to know because they will admit me in the hospital and I would get tested on and it doesn't help that I have Lyphma...you might not know what lypham is because only one in a million can get it and I am that one and it is a cancer.  To hell with it I am so scared that I might die and yet I have not got treatment and I am hoping I get it soon. My parents think I don't have it but I know I do because I feel it and it's scary that knowing the only other person who has gotten it in Texas as died from it. Sorry if this is a lot to take in. I am just in a sad scared mood and want to talk to someone.